Browsing Archive: December, 2011

Too Short and not very funny- That's Life.

Posted by Ian Watson on Friday, December 16, 2011,

I really don’t want to do this. It feels like telling your kids you just don’t love them any more, or stabbing a Labrador in the nose with a cocktail stick… yeah, well maybe not, that but it’s pretty gut-wrenching in any case.

There’s a sketch in ‘Kentucky Fried Movie’ called ‘Rex Kramer- Danger Seeker!’ We see Rex, a weedy white guy, put a crash helmet on and, after a brave ‘I’m going in’ wave to the camera he stands amongst a gang of big black gu...


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A Very Grim Fairy Tale

Posted by Ian Watson on Wednesday, December 7, 2011,

“Is it a good song? Well of course it is- don’t be stupid!”

That was me and me having our annual Christmas argument about  a song that is both rousing and poetically written, and that takes a different look at a holiday that’s normally so delicious, wobbly and sugar-coated it could pass for an M&S crème brulee.

I realize that the story of the less fortunate is one we all love at this time of year and it’s been wrung dry by every Christmas movie from ‘It’s ...


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Susan Boyle- the Emperor's got Talent

Posted by Ian Watson on Thursday, December 1, 2011, In : huffpost/frostmag blogs 

I was right about The Darkness. Sorry, but while you were all hailing them as the new ‘Queen’ I was shaking my head and thinking, ‘That lad’s a ‘top C’ and a bag of chips away from disaster.’

I still feel I’m right about button flies. I stand there by the exit of public toilets, fiddling with myself and thinking, ‘This is how they came up with ‘The Cube’!’

I was wrong about Uggs- fair enough. I was wrong about Mark Wright- seems like a decent lad,...


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No Offence- I Swear!

Posted by Ian Watson on Thursday, December 1, 2011, In : huffpost/frostmag blogs 

There’s been a lot of talk lately, mainly by comics, about the right to be offended. Think about that, it’s important: The right to be offended. What it means is that just because you think swinging cats by their tails is so ‘ hil-freakin-arious!’ You’re sure to be shortlisted for the Academy awards presenter’s job once Billy Crystal’s face has gone into spasm and he’s been rushed to hospital whispering in his own ears, I don’t have to. In fact I can be g...


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What did you call me?

Posted by Ian Watson on Thursday, December 1, 2011, In : huffpost/frostmag blogs 

I’m not black. It’s something I’ve come to terms with over the years. Many hours huddled over an old tape machine working out what James Brown was saying haven’t altered the hue of my dermis one iota. I have, however, been the victim of racial abuse. My time living amongst the Catalans of Eastern Spain was spent mainly pouring drinks and waiting tables and, to a small degree, ducking flying dog pooh and watching my underwear burn on the washing line. The locals wer...


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There's no need to be afraid

Posted by Ian Watson on Thursday, December 1, 2011, In : huffpost/frostmag blogs 

I’ve just seen an ad for Littlewoods, or copses as they should be known. It’s your usual fare. Loads of cute kids on stage at a school and the proud parents beaming from the fold-up chairs below. It’s not a nativity of course, god forbid, it’s a singing tribute to how wonderful mums are. Nice? Well not really no, because the song- and there’s even a rap in there to keep it ‘street’, is all about how mum is wonderful for buying just about every consumer electr...


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Yeah I know what I said Infidel but come on... play fair

Posted by Ian Watson on Thursday, December 1, 2011, In : huffpost/frostmag blogs 

Carlos the Jackal, the notorious terrorist and assassin of the latter part of the last century hasn’t got a nail clipper and he’s peeved. It’s mainly because he’s doing a lot of press and he wants to be presentable, after all, it’s a basic human right to have as much chance of meeting Louis Theroux as anyone else, right?

It always amazed me when people who have taken an oath to destroy an entire society or bring down a government that represents, to them, pure ...


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