I’m a burger snob. I freely admit it. But you won’t find me droning on about age-matured wagyu beef and chunky seasonal relish on a steamed brioche bun. You also won’t hear me slagging off McDonalds like it’s a pedo ring on the dark web. Don’t get me wrong. I will go to great lengths for the perfect burger and good old Micky Donuts is way down the list of preferred vendors, but I’d take one over a gastro pub-gourmet burger any day.

Let’s cut to the chase, shall we? Here’s the...